Dear reader,
“Things are so busy lately” seems to be my refrain week after week this summer, so perhaps it’s less than I’m just having a busy moment and more that I find myself in a busy season of life. And what bounty that busyness brings! I recently proposed to the love of my life, pulled off a surprise engagement party with so many of our loved ones, and have embarked with her on the daunting journey of planning a wedding. Work is nonstop, and as exhausting as that is, lately I’ve had a few opportunities to step back and really look at the community I’ve built up around myself professionally and personally, and reflect on how grateful I am for that. I’ve been able to gather with friends and family and celebrate their big achievements—buying a house, landing the dream job, starting a new creative project—and all the summer’s life and fullness feels very front-and-center right now.
When things get busy, I find myself living in the future: constantly scanning my mental to-do list and my calendar for scraps of free time to get the practical things done, worrying about how I’ll have the energy to do xyz after such a jam-packed week or a stint of travel, frozen in front of my overflowing inbox worrying how I’m going to make it all possible. I find that I have to bring myself back, over and over, to the same trusted adages and habits that ground me, the ones I manage to forget every time my day picks up and fear takes the driver’s seat in my brain.
For me, the number one thing I need to remember is that god is in the here and now. (You can swap that word out with whatever you’d like: higher power, peace, serenity, inspiration, creativity, life, ease.) When I’m spinning my wheels trying to tetris my schedule so that I can make my deadlines and shop for dinner and walk the dogs and respond to the emails and write the newsletter and call the vet and do the laundry and all the things, I’m so far from the present moment, so far from my body and from my higher power, that I can’t possibly hope to solve anything—or maybe I’ll feel like I’ve solved it, but in my frantic hurry I’ve actually closed myself off to more easeful paths, more creative solutions, more support from outside of my own will.
False urgency is poison. It fuels hyper-consumerism, it taints working relationships, it convinces us to stay in scarcity mindset: we don’t have enough time, we don’t have enough resources, we have to rush the process. Urgency takes hold of me so often and I find that the best antidote, when I have the presence of mind to remember it, is to make myself physically slow. If my body’s pace slows, my mind will follow, and I’ll eventually land in the present moment, which is the only thing I can actually control, and the only place I can access solutions.
It’s also the only place I can do my creative work. So one way I get there is to take a god walk. As a gay New Yorker, my typical walking speed can only be described as breakneck or perhaps shin-splint-inducing. On these walks, I try to stroll as slowly as I can bear, and I do not look at my phone, and I instead look at the world around me. I don’t have to go far. To the end of the block and back will do, on these busy work days. I notice the flowers, I spot things like a little toy perched on a nearby building’s fence, I read novelty license plates on passing cars. Sometimes I try to name a few things I’m grateful for. Maybe I realize that my neck is stiff and I stretch a little bit.
When I come back from my god walk I have not solved anything in a pragmatic sense but my day often feels more spacious. My nervous system has enjoyed a bit of a break. I can return to my schedule with less urgency and more intention. If I do this habitually, before I start feeling like an insane person, even better—I’m really trying to prioritize this kind of presence, because a breakneck, shin-splint-inducing pace of life does not work for me, and there’s nothing worse than feeling like you can’t enjoy the abundance of life because you’re too busy worrying about the laundry.
Writing this newsletter, especially the snail-mail version, is always a part of that presence. Thank you for being here with me!
I currently donate 20% of every paid newsletter subscription to the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund.
Patchwork Literary Salon — September 23, 7:00pm, Sisters
If you aren’t yet familiar, Patchwork is a monthly event (free and open to all!) where I bring 3-4 writers across genres and stages of their careers together for brief readings and wide-ranging conversation. In September, we’re partnering with the Brooklyn Book Festival for an extra special panel featuring four writers of queer genre fiction (thriller, romance, and fantasy), plus literary drink specials (The Last Word and The Mock Tale 😙). Doors at 7pm, readings at 7:30; come early to snag a spot and chat with other readers and writers before the programing begins!
Brooklyn Book Festival — September 29, 10am-6pm, Cadman Plaza
You can also catch me in person at the Brooklyn Book Festival book fair, which runs all day alongside the wonderful free panels and programming the festival has lined up for us this year. I’ll be at the Feminist Press booth. Come say hi :)
We got engaged!!!! If you thought I talked about my girlfriend too much just wait until I can’t shut up about my WIFE!!!
After a semi-unintentional summer hiatus, Thinking Straight is back! Tune in to our podcast biweekly as we explore the world of heterosexual romance novels. This week’s episode gets into People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry. Sneak peak for our first September ep: 🐺👰♀️🩸 if you know, you know…
Coraline is back in theaters, remastered, for its 15th anniversary! I highly recommend going to see it on the big screen if you can—the details of the stop motion blew my mind even more at that scale.
I can’t get over this gorgeous stained-glass lamp by Cady Poorman—she’s auctioning it off next week and I have no aspirations of buying it but I am already envious of the person who gets to keep this thing in their home forever. Everything else she makes is gorgeous, too! Wow!!!
That’s it for me this week. See you in the real world ❣️
🌱 Nadine
So beautiful!